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It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.

"

— It’s not that I don’t love you.  (via aazizam)

(Source: extrasad, via momentswithmoments)

THIS. IS. PERFECT.

 

DEAR HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER CREATORS,

TO SAY I WAS DISAPPOINTED IN THE SERIES FINALE OF HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER IS A GROSS UNDERSTATEMENT. I AM DISCONCERTINGLY, IRRETRIEVABLY, UNFATHOMABLY DISAPPOINTED IN THE WAY YOU CHOSE TO END WHAT USED TO BE MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE TELEVISION SERIES OF ALL TIME, TO THE POINT WHERE IT MAKES ME PHYSICALLY ILL TO THINK ABOUT. FOR NINE SEASONS YOU TAUGHT US TO BELIEVE IN MAGIC, AND IN DESTINY, AND HAPPY ENDINGS, AND IN THE FATES ALWAYS WORKING OUT IN THE END, NO MATTER HOW BUMPY THE ROAD TO GET THERE WAS. THIS ENDING ABSOLUTELY DESTROYED EVERYTHING THAT WAS MAGICAL ABOUT THIS SERIES. A FEW THINGS YOU DESTROYED:

BARNEY STINSON. FROM THE MOMENT WE SAW BARNEY ASKING ABOUT HIS TIE AT THE END OF SEASON 6, AND REALIZED THAT HE WAS GETTING MARRIED, WE HAVE SEEN THE CHARACTER OF BARNEY STINSON EVOLVE, ALBIET SLOWLY FROM A MANIPULATIVE WOMANIZER TO A GENTLEMEN WORTHY OF MARRYING ROBIN SCHERBATSKY. WHEN HE FINALLY VOWED TO ALWAYS TELL ROBIN THE TRUTH THE MOMENT BEFORE HE MARRIED HER, I WAS PROUD OF HIM AND THE FULL CIRCLE THAT HE HAD DONE. AND THEN, IN ONE EPISODE, YOU DESTROYED THREE SEASONS OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT FOR BARNEY AND MADE HIM DEVOLVE INTO AN UNFUNNY, IMMATURE SCUMBAG OF A GUY WHO KNOCKED SOMEBODY UP AND WHO WASN’T EVEN HAPPY ABOUT HAVING A CHILD UNTIL THE MOMENT HE HELD HER IN HIS ARMS. WHAT A SAD, MISERABLE ENDING FOR ONE OF THE MOST DIVERSE CHARACTERS IN THE SHOW.

ROBIN SCHERBATSKY. RUINED HER CHARACTER AS WELL. SO SHE BECOMES FAMOUS, DITCHES ALL OF HER FRIENDS AND HER HUSBAND FOR HER CAREER, AND LIVES AN ANTI-SOCIAL LIFE WHERE SHE EVENTUALLY ENDS UP ALL ALONE IN HER OLD APARTMENT WITH MORE DOGS?

I COULD HAVE LIVED WITH THE MOTHER DYING. I COULD HAVE LIVED WITH THIS. I COULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY. I COULD HAVE MADE IT WORK.

BUT YOU DECIDED TO TAKE IT ONE STEP FURTHER.

YOU DECIDED TO RUIN TED MOSBY. YOU DECIDED TO TURN TED MOSBY FROM A HOPELESS ROMANTIC TELLING AN AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL STORY OF HOW HE MET THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN INTO SOME ELABORATE PLOY TO ASK HIS KIDS’ PERMISSION TO PURSUE ROBIN AGAIN. ROBIN. THE SAME WOMAN WHO MARRIED HIS BEST FRIEND AND WHO TOLD TED SHE DID NOT LOVE HIM AND THAT THEY WOULD NEVER WORK OUT EVER BECAUSE THEY WERE TOO FUNDAMENTALLY DIFFERENT PEOPLE. BY THE WAY, WAY TO BREAK THE BRO CODE, TED. YOU SHATTERED TED’S CHARACTER BY CONVINCING US HE FINALLY MOVED ON FROM ROBIN. BUT NO. STILL PINING AFTER THE SAME WOMAN AFTER 20+ YEARS. MAKES ME PHYSICALLY ILL.

BUT THE WORST THING…

YOU RUINED THE MOTHER AND HER STORY. YOU TURNED HER DEATH INTO A MINOR PART, ANOTHER HURDLE TED HAD TO JUMP TO FINALLY REACH ROBIN. WE DID NOT SEE ANY MOURNING FROM TED FOR THE DEATH OF HIS WIFE. WE DID NOT SEE THEIR FINAL MOMENTS TOGETHER. WE DID NOT SEE THE FUNERAL. WE DID NOT HEAR ANY SADNESS FROM HER KIDS. ALL WE HEARD WAS “OH BY THE WAY, THE MOTHER GOT SICK AND DIED, LET’S TALK ABOUT ROBIN INSTEAD”. MAKES ME ABSOLUTELY SICK TO MY STOMACH.

YOU RUINED THE MAGIC. AND FOR THAT, I WILL FOREVER BE DISAPPOINTED.

IN MY MIND, THE SERIES ENDED WITH BARNEY AND ROBIN’S WEDDING. A SNIPPET OF TED SEEING THE MOTHER PLAYING BASS ON STAGE. FINALLY MEETING HER AT THE TRAIN STATION. FLASH FORWARDS OF THEIR LIVES TOGETHER. TED PROPOSES. THEY HAVE AN AMAZING LIFE AND TWO CHILDREN TOGETHER. SHE SLOWLY GETS SICK AND EVENTUALLY PASSES AWAY. AND IN ORDER TO HONOR HER MEMORY, HE SITS HIS KIDS DOWN AND TELLS THEM THE LONG, AMAZING STORY OF HOW HE MET THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE.

AND THAT’S THE TRUE STORY OF HOW TED MET THE MOTHER, THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE. AT LEAST, THAT’S THE STORY I WILL BE REMEMBERING.

SINCERELY,

A DISAPPOINTED VIEWER”

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