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THIS. IS. PERFECT.

 

DEAR HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER CREATORS,

TO SAY I WAS DISAPPOINTED IN THE SERIES FINALE OF HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER IS A GROSS UNDERSTATEMENT. I AM DISCONCERTINGLY, IRRETRIEVABLY, UNFATHOMABLY DISAPPOINTED IN THE WAY YOU CHOSE TO END WHAT USED TO BE MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE TELEVISION SERIES OF ALL TIME, TO THE POINT WHERE IT MAKES ME PHYSICALLY ILL TO THINK ABOUT. FOR NINE SEASONS YOU TAUGHT US TO BELIEVE IN MAGIC, AND IN DESTINY, AND HAPPY ENDINGS, AND IN THE FATES ALWAYS WORKING OUT IN THE END, NO MATTER HOW BUMPY THE ROAD TO GET THERE WAS. THIS ENDING ABSOLUTELY DESTROYED EVERYTHING THAT WAS MAGICAL ABOUT THIS SERIES. A FEW THINGS YOU DESTROYED:

BARNEY STINSON. FROM THE MOMENT WE SAW BARNEY ASKING ABOUT HIS TIE AT THE END OF SEASON 6, AND REALIZED THAT HE WAS GETTING MARRIED, WE HAVE SEEN THE CHARACTER OF BARNEY STINSON EVOLVE, ALBIET SLOWLY FROM A MANIPULATIVE WOMANIZER TO A GENTLEMEN WORTHY OF MARRYING ROBIN SCHERBATSKY. WHEN HE FINALLY VOWED TO ALWAYS TELL ROBIN THE TRUTH THE MOMENT BEFORE HE MARRIED HER, I WAS PROUD OF HIM AND THE FULL CIRCLE THAT HE HAD DONE. AND THEN, IN ONE EPISODE, YOU DESTROYED THREE SEASONS OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT FOR BARNEY AND MADE HIM DEVOLVE INTO AN UNFUNNY, IMMATURE SCUMBAG OF A GUY WHO KNOCKED SOMEBODY UP AND WHO WASN’T EVEN HAPPY ABOUT HAVING A CHILD UNTIL THE MOMENT HE HELD HER IN HIS ARMS. WHAT A SAD, MISERABLE ENDING FOR ONE OF THE MOST DIVERSE CHARACTERS IN THE SHOW.

ROBIN SCHERBATSKY. RUINED HER CHARACTER AS WELL. SO SHE BECOMES FAMOUS, DITCHES ALL OF HER FRIENDS AND HER HUSBAND FOR HER CAREER, AND LIVES AN ANTI-SOCIAL LIFE WHERE SHE EVENTUALLY ENDS UP ALL ALONE IN HER OLD APARTMENT WITH MORE DOGS?

I COULD HAVE LIVED WITH THE MOTHER DYING. I COULD HAVE LIVED WITH THIS. I COULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY. I COULD HAVE MADE IT WORK.

BUT YOU DECIDED TO TAKE IT ONE STEP FURTHER.

YOU DECIDED TO RUIN TED MOSBY. YOU DECIDED TO TURN TED MOSBY FROM A HOPELESS ROMANTIC TELLING AN AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL STORY OF HOW HE MET THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN INTO SOME ELABORATE PLOY TO ASK HIS KIDS’ PERMISSION TO PURSUE ROBIN AGAIN. ROBIN. THE SAME WOMAN WHO MARRIED HIS BEST FRIEND AND WHO TOLD TED SHE DID NOT LOVE HIM AND THAT THEY WOULD NEVER WORK OUT EVER BECAUSE THEY WERE TOO FUNDAMENTALLY DIFFERENT PEOPLE. BY THE WAY, WAY TO BREAK THE BRO CODE, TED. YOU SHATTERED TED’S CHARACTER BY CONVINCING US HE FINALLY MOVED ON FROM ROBIN. BUT NO. STILL PINING AFTER THE SAME WOMAN AFTER 20+ YEARS. MAKES ME PHYSICALLY ILL.

BUT THE WORST THING…

YOU RUINED THE MOTHER AND HER STORY. YOU TURNED HER DEATH INTO A MINOR PART, ANOTHER HURDLE TED HAD TO JUMP TO FINALLY REACH ROBIN. WE DID NOT SEE ANY MOURNING FROM TED FOR THE DEATH OF HIS WIFE. WE DID NOT SEE THEIR FINAL MOMENTS TOGETHER. WE DID NOT SEE THE FUNERAL. WE DID NOT HEAR ANY SADNESS FROM HER KIDS. ALL WE HEARD WAS “OH BY THE WAY, THE MOTHER GOT SICK AND DIED, LET’S TALK ABOUT ROBIN INSTEAD”. MAKES ME ABSOLUTELY SICK TO MY STOMACH.

YOU RUINED THE MAGIC. AND FOR THAT, I WILL FOREVER BE DISAPPOINTED.

IN MY MIND, THE SERIES ENDED WITH BARNEY AND ROBIN’S WEDDING. A SNIPPET OF TED SEEING THE MOTHER PLAYING BASS ON STAGE. FINALLY MEETING HER AT THE TRAIN STATION. FLASH FORWARDS OF THEIR LIVES TOGETHER. TED PROPOSES. THEY HAVE AN AMAZING LIFE AND TWO CHILDREN TOGETHER. SHE SLOWLY GETS SICK AND EVENTUALLY PASSES AWAY. AND IN ORDER TO HONOR HER MEMORY, HE SITS HIS KIDS DOWN AND TELLS THEM THE LONG, AMAZING STORY OF HOW HE MET THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE.

AND THAT’S THE TRUE STORY OF HOW TED MET THE MOTHER, THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE. AT LEAST, THAT’S THE STORY I WILL BE REMEMBERING.

SINCERELY,

A DISAPPOINTED VIEWER”

Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..
Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......
Counter Culture: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Apathyologism: You have 2 cows. You do not care.
Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows...
Atheism: You have 2 cows. There is no God.
A West-Country Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
A Brazilian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
Russia: You have two cows. Since they are both female, if you happen to keep them in the same stable you will pay a 5,000 rouble fine for homosexual propaganda.
PETA: You have two cows. You kill them both. You then use naked women to convince other people that killing cows is wrong.
Moffat: You have two cows. Both of them are your daughters time traveling from the past where they had a brief love affair with Da Vinci making you the rightful Queen of England. As you assume the throne, you throw them off a building.
Hussie: You have 2 cows. You ask for another one. Instead of getting just 1 cow, you get 2,485,506 cows.
Romney: You have 2 cows. You are not the president of the united states.
Once-ler: You have 1 cow. Everyone decides to make 5 different versions of that cow.
Old Spice: You have 2 cows. The cows are now diamonds. I'm on a horse.
An Irish Corporation: You have a million cows because they're everywhere
Tumblr: You have 2 cows. You ship them together and make GIF posts screaming about how much you love your cows, but they should stop existing because they are so perfect.
Also Tumblr: I give you a hamburger.
Night Vale: You do NOT have two cows. Cows do not exist. What's a cow? Show me a cow! That's not a cow! Who let you in here?
Tom Hiddleston: You have two cows. You are very sorry for them.
Thranduil: You do not have two cows, you have an elk. Riding on two cows is not majestic. Also the dwarves are on fire.
Dwarves: You had two cows but now they're on fire.
Bilbo Baggins: You did not invite those two cows for dinner.
Cows: The shit you go through.
This post: Started off as a post that explained different goverments but then everything changed when the fire nation attacked
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